So I'm really bored right now. I'm waiting for Kat to call me back, and the only reason I'm not asleep right now is because I don't have to get up until 11:30 tomorrow. On the up side, this week already seems to be going fast. I'm looking forward to the end of the semester because I want to say that I have something under my belt. That, and right now, I don't really want to stay here, so I may end up transferring, and I can't do that until the end of the semester. I had a pretty good day today though, which is great. I was talking to Kat earlier, and she was like, this is the best mood I've heard you in, in a long time. Well, today started out just like yesterday did, basically, so I went to Aural skills, and theory. After that, I came back to my room, did some stuff on the computer, and then went to Music in african Culture. We watched a pretty interesting video about Blues having roots in Africa. We have to write another essay, but I got the first back today. I got an 88% on it, so I'm not so worried about this next one. Well, then I went to my room and started doing the reading for psychology. I didn't have class until 5:30, so I had 5 hours to waste. I was able to read all the stuff assigned, take a nap, and practice and still be early for class. Psych wasn't that bad actually. THe prof made the lecture interesting, and the 2 hours didn't seem to go as long as I expected. I came home after that, went to dinner with a girl I met at a christian group meeting last week, and came back to my room to finish my theory reading and all of my psych homework for THursday. All I have left is to practice for Aural skills, and write my essay. It shouldn't be too bad. I'm pretty excited about church Wednesday. One of the ladies from church invited me over for dinner before church. I only hope that I can find her house. Anyway, after I finished my homework, I went to some other girls room, and I taught them and some guy how to play Euchre, and then we played spoons. It was a fun night. But I can't wait until summer vacation!!

Why did I chose this class? Or this school for that matter.
I found out my chair today. I am sitting 8th chair viola out of 11. That's not bad at all, considering that there are several grad students, and only 3 other freshman. It's not bad at all, though obviously I hoped for better. I'm pretty happy with it.
I tried to start on my essay for Music in African Culture. We had to read 3 articles, then write a list of 5 observations for each one, and then write a 500 articles. It's due tomorrow, and I've only done about 2 or 3 for one of the articles. They are all very confusing, and have nothing to do with each other. I'm confused what would possess him to assign all three together. It's pretty ridiculus. I'm not looking forward to the rest of this class. He gave us an essay to do on the first day! That's not normal. And we have 9 total over the course of the semester. I agree with Dave. I think the semester should be over right now.
I just recently got up to take some advil for a headache, and I noticed that even though I don't go over the recommended dosage, I've already taken half the bottle. That's not looking good for the rest of the year.
Well, I really need to get back to work on this stupid essay, and hopefully I can get it done and printed off somewhere, because right now, the printer in the computer lab here is screwed up and not working. I'll have to go to the music building or something. But if I don't get it done, it's not a huge deal because he will only count 8 grades on the essays, but if we do the ninth we will get extra credit, so I want to do that. Or, I could use that to get out of doing an essay later on in the course. In any case, I don't want to use it right now if I don't have to

I just auditioned for orchestra. It was interesting to say the least. I went to the wrong room first, and once I found the right one, I got out my instrument. There were other students there, and one guy, I'm not sure where he's from, but he had a thick accent, was writing down people names because it's supposed to be a blind audition. They had a curtain up so they couldn't see who the person playing was. BUt this guy was keeping track of who went. HE started talking to me, and he asked me if I was ready to go in. WHen I didn't answer, he was like,"don't tell me you're nervous" and I was like, yeah, a little. I was thinking, No, even though I'm shaking like a leaf, and can't breathe, but I'm not nervous. I mean, what a stupid question. anyway, he told me what to play, and I went in. I played my solo, and it sucked, and then I had to sightread. It was kind of nice, because I had played one of the excerpts before. We played it in ONU's symphony last year, so I already knew it. But of course the way I played it wasn't good enough, so the viola prof asked me to play it again, and watch dynamics more carefully. So I did that, and played the second excerpt. Once again, I wasn't playing the dynamic level loud enough for him, so I had to play it again. I ended up playing my solo once, and both the sightreading exerpts twice. It really sucked. I got out and the guy was like, "how was it?" and I was like, ehhhhh. He laughed and we started talking about how I hate auditions, and some of his bad auditions. So I guess overall, even though I sucked, and I'm probably going to get last chair, it wasn't too bad of a time. lol.

this week has been very interesting. Sunday was really busy for me, with several meetings that really didn't help to clarify anything. Monday was interesting. It was the first day of real classes. I had aural skills at 8:30, *stab*, Theory at 9:30, *stab again* and then free time until 12:30, when I have clarinet/saxophone methods, and orchestra right after that. What really sucked was that for aural skills and theory together, there are about 5 books. I had to carry the 4 that I had to class, and went back tothe bookstore later that day for the 5th one. For my methods class, too, I had a book that was probably 2 inches thick, probably more, and another thin book. And I had to carry my viola there. So that was really fun. I was so exhausted that night, I actually took an hour long nap in the evening. Today has been better. I was slightly worried about theory and aural skills after yesterday, but today class was boring and all review for me, so i'm happy about that. It's sad that I say boring is good. lol. I just came back to my room, and I will be going to a class called music in african culture at 11:30. it should be fun.

Well, it's official now. I'm a student at BGSU for the next several months. My parents just left, and I'm okay for the moment. But I really don't know how long that will last. I should be okay for a while. I'm missing everyone already though. I would love for you all to come visit me at BG before you leave for school. My dorm is pretty cool, and i would like to show it off. lol I'll talk to everyone later.

I really don't know what to think anymore. I'm just tired of being treated like I'm stupid, and don't know anything. I was on MSN last night, talking to a friend I met at camp about stuff that has gotten to me lately. I've been really depressed, about random stuff, like school, issues that my friends are having, and everything just piled up, and I felt like I needed to talk to someone. So I was talking to him, and I said something that I really didn't necessarily mean, but sometimes I think about stuff, like, why should all the stuff happen to me that does? I don't deserve half of it, and sometimes I think, why does God let it happen. I told him that and he got all critical and judgmental on me, and said stuff like, I'm not sure your heart is in the right place, and you just don't get it, do you. I'm tired of it, and on top of me already being depressed, after that, I couldn't sleep because I think about stuff too much. I got less than 6 hours of sleep last night, compared to about 12 any other night.