I died my hair again today. It's still wet, but looks like it might be really dark, almost black. I can't wait for it to dry so I can see what the real color is going to be.

I am so tired of drama. Why is it that so many of my friends are in love with drama? According to someone, supposedly, I'm a drama queen, but i'm sorry but when you put up with some of the stuff that i've put up with lately, you can't help it. If you have a problem with me, just tell me. Don't wench and drive everyone nuts, act like a grown up and tell me. I can handle it.

Alright. I'm exhausted, yet I am here, writing a totally meaningless, boring, pointless blog. That's all I have.

My week has been nuts, although most of you know that. music camp was really great, and my party on Saturday was amazing, if i do say so myself.
BALLS!!!! Prelude to an afternoon of a sexually aroused gas mask.

That's all i have to say.

i am so bored. i literally have nothing to do, and no one to talk to right now. i want to go something with somebody, or call someone, but it's too late. grrrrrr. my life is so boring. i can't wait until music camp. i definitely won't be bored next week. i'm pretty excited.
if anyone wants to call me next week, i will be staying at my grandma's, so i won't be able to go anywhere, but if you just want to talk, i should have my cell phone with me, and i should have it on after 10 at night.

it's been awhile since i've posted anything. i haven't been doing a whole lot. i went to my little cousins t-ball game on monday. it was so cute. t-ball is the best sport in the world. then on tuesday, i went and got my hair permed and brought jack and logan home with me. those boys are so adorable. then we went to the rock garden. that has basically been my entire week. very boring, but at least there was no drama.

okay, so i sent a message to lee on myspace last night, because he wouldn't be quiet long enough for me to talk to him, and i got on today on here is what he wrote in his blog.


what's up peeps it's me lee. another day in my life and let me just say that right now i have no idea how i'm feeling but none of it is positive. this is the side of me none of you know and this is the side of me that hides behind the niceness, that hides behind the smile that hides behind the laughter and goofiness. this is the side in which i hate and try to get rid of day by day. people think i'm a jerk when i start feeling this way and hey i don't blame them and thus they want no part of me and that is the story of my life folks.
a lot of things target this "depression" and believe me i feel like crying my eyes out like a little frieken baby because i hate feeling this way. i wish happiness would be in my life i wish i would be happy for once i wish i could do something with my life besides go home and goto bed. i wish i had a girlfriend cause i can't stand the thaught of being single and when i do it tears me apart cause i feel lonely i feel unwanted and unloved and i feel apart. my smile is gone peeps and the thing about depression is this that i don't know how long it's gonna last but i deal with it off and on my whole life. it's a part of me that won't go away. i've tried to be a nice guy and i've tried to be liked. i feel so pittiful and useless it's reduculous and people who know me would tell me i'm acting like a jerk right now. i can't help it
i just wish i was a better person and honestly i'm hurt and folks it may be a while till i update my weblog cause i can't stand being this way. i need time to be alone i guess. the prime reason i don't talk about this openly is because people may tell me i'm weird or i need help. no it's none of that guys and girls. i just need HAPPINESS.and for those of you who are offended by this i'm sorry i really truly am and i understand if you all hate me cause of this.
take care of yourselves and i love each and every one of you who have supported me in my life but one question i have is do you love me back? if so thank you, thank you sooo very much. i hope you all can support me through this and please pray for me. bye friends :(



i feel so horrible, but i don't know what to do now. it really sounds like he has clinical depression. we weren't even going out. why would he be this upset? but it sounds like if i try to talk to him now he'll just get more upset, yet, i don't deserve this. i didn't do anything wrong so why do i feel so guilty? and i'll just have to see him on sunday too. we go to church together. that will be really awkward. i don't know what to do.

i hate guys. they suck. so i was minding my own business and lee tries to call me. the phone didn't ring, and he left a message asking me if i wanted to do something tonight. when i got the message, i was going to call him back later, when i got free minutes. he called me at about 4:45 today, and left another message. he said something about how he hoped that nothing was wrong, and he said "I guess we won't go anywhere, and i'll just stay home tonight." he was putting a guilt trip on me. and then i got on his myspace and it said something about how he likes "this girl" but is confused because he doesn't know if she likes him back. he's starting to really tick me off. i haven't said anything to make him think that i'm interested, but he calls me after just learning my name. a couple of weeks later, he asks me if i want to go somewhere with him. we go to a movie, and then about a week later, we go to a movie along with Kat and Michael. and now, he seems to think that we're a couple and that i have to check in with him every 10 minutes. is it just me being paranoid, or does it seem like he's moving a little fast? should i tell him i am happy just being friends with him?