okay, so i sent a message to lee on myspace last night, because he wouldn't be quiet long enough for me to talk to him, and i got on today on here is what he wrote in his blog.


what's up peeps it's me lee. another day in my life and let me just say that right now i have no idea how i'm feeling but none of it is positive. this is the side of me none of you know and this is the side of me that hides behind the niceness, that hides behind the smile that hides behind the laughter and goofiness. this is the side in which i hate and try to get rid of day by day. people think i'm a jerk when i start feeling this way and hey i don't blame them and thus they want no part of me and that is the story of my life folks.
a lot of things target this "depression" and believe me i feel like crying my eyes out like a little frieken baby because i hate feeling this way. i wish happiness would be in my life i wish i would be happy for once i wish i could do something with my life besides go home and goto bed. i wish i had a girlfriend cause i can't stand the thaught of being single and when i do it tears me apart cause i feel lonely i feel unwanted and unloved and i feel apart. my smile is gone peeps and the thing about depression is this that i don't know how long it's gonna last but i deal with it off and on my whole life. it's a part of me that won't go away. i've tried to be a nice guy and i've tried to be liked. i feel so pittiful and useless it's reduculous and people who know me would tell me i'm acting like a jerk right now. i can't help it
i just wish i was a better person and honestly i'm hurt and folks it may be a while till i update my weblog cause i can't stand being this way. i need time to be alone i guess. the prime reason i don't talk about this openly is because people may tell me i'm weird or i need help. no it's none of that guys and girls. i just need HAPPINESS.and for those of you who are offended by this i'm sorry i really truly am and i understand if you all hate me cause of this.
take care of yourselves and i love each and every one of you who have supported me in my life but one question i have is do you love me back? if so thank you, thank you sooo very much. i hope you all can support me through this and please pray for me. bye friends :(



i feel so horrible, but i don't know what to do now. it really sounds like he has clinical depression. we weren't even going out. why would he be this upset? but it sounds like if i try to talk to him now he'll just get more upset, yet, i don't deserve this. i didn't do anything wrong so why do i feel so guilty? and i'll just have to see him on sunday too. we go to church together. that will be really awkward. i don't know what to do.